The Life and Times of Nathan Swartz: Living with Greatness: An Epic Saga, Part 1: The Birthright

written 7 Feb 2007 while the school buses headed home

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I was born in a hospital bed, somewhere in middle-of-nowhere-used-to-be-a-prospering-coal-town-now it’s a dying white trash ghetto America. Saturday Night Live was playing. My mother, too many hours into the labor to be good for her, was likely racked from the strain, and the hopes and dreams of having a little girl were about to be squashed.

“Oh Sharon…” my newly appointed Grandmother sighed with disappointment, “it’s a boy.”

Shutup was all that came to my mother’s mind, but presumably, she didn’t speak the words. Due to the forceps (read: salad tongues) that were necessary to pry me from her womb, my head was misshapen, oblong and bumpy. I was the ugliest baby in the room, certainly, but all that would change…

Don’t miss the next hit installment of The Life and Times of Nathan Swartz: Living with Greatness: An Epic Saga tomorrow, right here at clicknathan.com!

Filed Under: combining syllables

Similar Posts | The Life and Times of Nathan Swartz: Living with Greatness: An Epic Saga, Part 3: The Tribulations of Freedom or Living with Inequality is Dying | The Life and Times of Nathan Swartz: Living with Greatness: An Epic Saga, Part 4: Coming of Age in an Age Come and Gone | The Life and Times of Nathan Swartz: Living with Greatness: An Epic Saga, Part 2: Squaring the Root of Pi

4 people chatting it up...

  • unknown user pic

    I have a question about the middle-of-nowhere. What makes something the middle-of-nowhere? Why don’t people say the middle-of-everywhere? Because if you’re in the middle-of-nowhere, in those crispy, clean parts of the country, you’re between one somewhere and another somewhere and another somewhere, etc., so why aren’t you in the middle-of-everywhere? Plus, the nowhere parts are somewhere to someone, and the nowhere parts are god’s country after all. Now, I have a headache.

    - Mollie | 09:02am 12 Feb 07

  • Hmmm. Good points, surely, I guess I think of it this way…

    Nowhere = unknown place.

    So, Chicago, for example, wouldn’t be “nowhere.” Because it’s somewhere to almost everyone. But when I say “Yeah, I’m from Nanty Glo.” that doesn’t mean anything to anyone. Therefore, Nanty Glo, to most people, is nowhere.

    Also, it’s just a saying, I guess, and cliches make the world go up.

    - nathan | 09:56am 12 Feb 07
  • unknown user pic

    [...] Yes, I had put all of that silliness of punking rocks and skipping class to smoke cigarettes in a desperate hush of fevered worry over whether I would get caught and donned the traditional blue jumpsuit and mop of the janitorial workforce. But I didn’t just fix electrical occurences or paint over rude sayings in the boy’s locker room, no, I was also a permanent fixture in the mopping-up-puke and emptying-300-kids-worth-of-half-chewed-lunch-garbage-cans departments. Yes, I was finally at the top and even though at times the guy wishing he was the star quarterback but who will only ever amount to being his best friend would yell “Hey Janitor, how old are you janitor?” and make me feel slightly uncomfortable with my position in life, it was all worth it when the really crazy girls, you know, the type who would go out with a 19 year old high school janitor, would call me on the phone to tell me they’ve been cutting themselves…. That’s the end of this tale of drama, greatness and unabashed fame, but you can get it from the beginning here . Do enjoy! [...]

    - ClickNathan - Handmade Websites » Blog Archive » The Life and Times of Nathan Swartz: Living with Greatness: An Epic Saga, Part 4: Coming of Age in an Age Come and Gone | 05:29pm 13 Feb 07
  • unknown user pic

    I know it’s just a saying and that it’s second nature/sometimes fun/often appropriate to throw cliches into writing and conversation. My question wasn’t directed at you saying middle-of-nowhere in particular. It’s just something that I’ve always wondered, and I like your answers for things. So, when my eyes came across middle-of-nowhere, I thought I’d ask.

    Nanty Glo means something to me. They have that great Sheetz.

    Hey, why did you stop writing Living the Greatness? I was really getting into it (in case you couldn’t tell by my constant commenting.)

    - Mollie | 07:21am 18 Feb 07

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