In a Perfect World of Mine

written 31 Aug 2007 over dinner

In my perfect world common sense would have outlawed cigarettes by now and never done the same to marijuana. In my perfect world policemen wouldn’t have guns, because no one would, and arguments would be solved with words at best and bloody knuckles at the very worst. Chess boards and pieces wouldn’t be replaced by neighborhoods full of whizzing bullets and dead soldiers. Neither men nor women would have come out as the more powerful sex, and the concept of monogamy would never have been introduced. Children would not be property, and a village would raise them. In my perfect world, governments wouldn’t waste time creating laws that prevent two men from getting the same tax breaks as a married man and woman. CCTV would have never occurred to anyone. The term “the human race” would not exist, as it implies that there is another kind, and since there isn’t, we need to break it up into blacks, whites, asians, etc. None of which are races, really. In my perfect world the concept of a suit somehow being more professional than jeans and a t-shirt would be laughable, if even imaginable. Refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup would be recognized as being every bit as dangerous as alcohol abuse. In my perfect world there would be far fewer fences and even less walls. Buskers would be as celebrated as firemen and accountants largely unnecessary. In my perfect world.

Filed Under: contemplating molecules

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Dear Guru Clack,

You have left me wondering – what are your views on monogomy?

Yours in secret admiration,

T

- Tania | 01:54am 5 Sep 07
No, I didn’t. You found yourself wondering and forgot to ask me to meet you, therefore I had no idea that you were left at all.

Good luck and grand fate,

Dartanion

- nathan | 04:07pm 5 Sep 07
That really is too bad. However, I’m still wondering why you think the concept of monogomy should never have been introduced… its a very interesting concept. if you’re uncomfortable discussing it in public I’m happy to meet you in private

- Tania | 09:55pm 5 Sep 07
While I have nothing against the taught and learned devotion that we show to each and other, and I certainly realize that as we have been raised, we can’t really, or at least easily, retract from, I would imagine that only in a world where jealousy and greed were prevalent would the concept of monogamy be prescribed to the general populace.

Truthfully, I suspect that a good deal of the issues in relationships stem from feelings of jealousy, loneliness and rejection.

Jealousy rears its head as the the desire to keep our partners ours and only ours.

Loneliness is the result of our partners wanting to explore other avenues of life, and I don’t just mean having sex with other people, but simply wanting time to themselves, with friends, etc.

Rejection is only possible if the reasons listed above exist: without a desire to own someone then their can’t be jealousy over not owning that person; without a need to need the attention of someone, their can’t be loneliness. If possession and attention weren’t required or even desired, then rejection couldn’t exist.

Just one thought in a larger thought process.

- nathan | 10:10pm 5 Sep 07
Im someone who is quite open-minded about polyamory, though perhaps monogamy has unfairly gotten a bad rap. Maybe… this is just an idea Ive been playing with for a few years, but maybe it has even more with how we choose to apply moderation to our lives.

While I know from various experiences that it is actually possible to be in a long-term relationship where you feel secure in the connectedness all the time, never feeling the scary pangs of jealousy, lonliness or rejection, I also know from various polyamorous couple friends who I trust that there are often times where a person can feel secondary to their favourite mate’s more magnetic partner… a preferred partner who gets most of the attention and affection most of the time… which in itself brings about those feelings of rejection then jealousy (which they can’t come to terms with within their beliefs but its inevitable) and finally lonliness sets in in a big way. Only one couple I know of survived this but it nearly destroyed what they had built up for years.

Although I do believe that if its possible for monogomous couples to find that elusive happpy-connectedness all the time, it should also be possible that there are many polyamorous groups out there who have been together and happy for years and years without jealousy. Again this would be a form of committed polyamory similar to monogamy. Therefore I dont think that feeling jealous, lonely or rejected has anything to do with monogamy, but with how we allow ourselves to be treated and how we treat those we care the most about, using the philosophy of moderation to determine wether we have veered to any unhealthy extremes or allowed this to manifest unhealthily in our lives.

We live in a world where living to extremes is encouraged to the max, to the point where we are made to believe that we are boring if we dont live this way. But I have found in my own life that while it usually brings addictive feelings of heady decadence and spontanaity to live this way every day, it almost always brings about disharmony and illness within our bodies and our relationships. I try to only enjoy very extreme experiences occasionally… I guess you could say moderately… because I’ve found if it gets out of control the excitement feeds my ego to the point where I dont want to make the time or clear space for healing, growth or personal relationships. I think because of this way that we have been raised to live to extremes and stuff our faces with excitement all the time, that the real challenge is living in moderation. This turns out to be the hardest route, and anyone who has the mettle to apply it in any way usually has discovered a great advantage in life. Things almost always work out perfectly for them.

As part of my plan to constantly improve as a human I have tried over the years to embrace this philosophy as much as possible in every aspect of my life. In the areas where I have managed to achieve it I have found completeness and bliss.

- Tania | 09:05pm 6 Sep 07
Extremeness in moderation, wonderfully put. :}>

- nathan | 09:18pm 6 Sep 07