The Hangover Blues

Here’s a bit of research I’ve done, via the internet and my extensive career in the field, on good ways to get over a hangover.  Why am I writing this? I don’t know, go ask your dad.

Drink lots of water. Alcohol is a diuretic, which means it sucks the water straight out of your cells. Chug a glass or two after all the beers gone. I like to fill an empty bottle up with water, that way it seems like I have one more beer. By that time you tend to be so shmaced that you forget it’s water halfway down the drain, anyway.

Gatorade. Drinking also sucks out potassium and salt from your body. Gatorade, or it’s dark nemesis, Powerade, will get these back into ya. From personal experience, I usually wake up, my stomach feeling like a cement mixer, and chug down a glass of soda, then maybe a milkshake or something, all types of strange cravings which basically always just make me sick. But eventually I come around to gold old orange Gatorade, or the orange flavored clear Gatorade, man, I mean that stuffs just sick. 

Fill up on fruit juice. Word on the street, though none of the streets I’ve lived on, is that fruit juice gives you a boost of energy and also cleans out toxins from your body. Bod man. That’s a funny commercial.

Cappuccino drinks. Alcohol makes your blood vessels swell, which in turn leads to a real throbber of a head syndrome. Caffeine combats this like Yoshimi could only dream. But on the other hand, it also sucks the water out of your body, so keep it light. Starbucks isn’t keeping it light, but maybe a cup o’ Folger’s homebrew will do the trick. Personally, I only do the fake cappuccino drinks from 7/11s.

Eat some food. Eat before you drink, and light goods in the morning. Unless you’re a senior in high school or a freshman in college. Then, I’m assuming you’re looking to get shlammered, so your best bet is to eat lunch on Thursday, and then proceed to compete in chugline after keg stand after whiskey shot for the next five days. I’m sure you’ll be sufficiently comatose by Saturday morning.

Well, with that I’ve officially become gay. Bye.

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