The Five Food Groups

At the risk of becoming redundant, here is a list of the five food groups, as I believe they should be newly instilled:

1. Wine – lots of it, just enough to drunken you but not so much that you can’t wake up tomorrow.
2. Wheat – for hearty taste and regularity when it counts, choose Wheat.
3. Tea – so many varieties, so fulfilling…better than water and without all of the nasty bacteria.
4. Vegetables – particularly the ones that are all green and crackley crisp.
5. Jelly Bellies – they’re small, squishey between your teeth, and as they have practically every flavor imaginable, you can use them to replace all other foods!

and finally, the ClickNathan advisory on foodstuffs suggests the following product, though used very sparingly:

6. Nicotine – preferably in cigarette form, these little sticks not only make you look bad, but they make you die young, both of which are very cool.

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