The Life and Times of Nathan Swartz: Living with Greatness: An Epic Saga, Part 2: Squaring the Root of Pi

As a youth I had never broken a bone. Never chipped a tooth. Never licked a booger.

Yet the elementary school girls just weren’t taking a shine to me. I had my eyes on one, or two, in particular, the only girls close to my age (it was a small school, maybe 100 kids total, K – 8 and not a single girl in my 5th grade class). But Keri only wanted to sit by Bob at the lunch table. And Amy, a 3rd grader, was too cute to date 5th grade boys but too young for the 6th graders, so she was saving herself for marriage.

But then, one year, as I came back from a glorious summer vacation filled with bike rides, farm fresh foodstuffs and the general wonder that one benefits from after having freshly moved to a farm from the stinky dirt town house he’d grown up in, they came. Swarming, misbehaven and looking at me through the corners of their eyes. The teachers knew it, I was a changed boy, moving somewhere into the realms of near-pubescence but still without the nasty hairs and acne that plague such a condition. This was my prime, I had lost my baby chub and grown two full inches into the powerhouse of flowing hair and 12 year old abandon that my destiny sought for me.

In came their notes, one, two, then three! I couldn’t be sure who the third note was from but reading the names from the first two, Amy, Keri, I quickly abandoned the idea of the third time being some type of charm (a saying derived, reportedly, from the amount of times you can distill moonshine before it explodes your machinery) and went to inform Amy that unfortunately, the timing was not right and I would be going with the Keri option.

Ah, those were the times. Wreckless, uncaring times where having a girlfriend meant little more than exchanging notes once or twice a day and her watching attentively from the dugout while you taught those pitiful 3rd graders how to watch out for your fastball.

Sweet, sweet loving.

Catch up on the action you missed with Part 1 of this heroic tale, and don’t miss the next hit installment of The Life and Times of Nathan Swartz: Living with Greatness: An Epic Saga tomorrow, right here at!

Up Next: The Life and Times of Nathan Swartz: Living with Greatness: An Epic Saga, Part 1: The Birthright