Ahh, the Wholesome Sweetness of Corn Syrup

Do you love corn syrup? “Of course, momma sucker!” should be your answer.

You see, it’s in everything we eat, but of course, every hard working, label reading, Jiffy loving mom knows that. It’s typically the second or third ingredient listed on everything from Coca Cola to candy bars to bread to yogurt. The way things are labeled is important, because the more plentiful an ingredient the closer it is to being listed number one. So after carbonated water, you’re chugging the wholesome goodness of high fructose corn syrup, baby!

And no, high fructose corn syrup is not bad for you. Only racists think that. For example, did you know that true love is expressed through popsicles? And check out this well informed mom who really shuts down the corn-hating other mom. Moms, what a riot they are, eh?

But what’s that? You think those commercials are wrong? You think high fructose corn syrup is one of the greatest banes to our society? “…is okay in moderation” sounds like a joke to you, because nearly everything contains the stuff?

Well then how can we stop the proliferation of HFCS (I just made that up, I think it’s an acronym)?

Vote with your dollars, baby. Everytime you buy something, be it the sweet, supple Pepsi Cola that you have for breakfast or that Snickers you’re using to satisfy your luncheon or wtfever, when you buy foodstuffs with corn syrup in it, you are voting for that thick, dripping, unnaturalness. Every bit as much as you voted for (insert your presidential candidate of choice), actually more, when you buy a corn-flavored lollipop, you are saying “Hey, Corn Industry, way to go pals!”

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