The Inevitable Lamenting Feeling of Being Home Alone with No Burglars to Thwart

Originally Posted on December 30, 2004 Last Updated on November 20, 2006

I met this girl once, I was supposed to be training her at this coffee shop we worked at but all I did was end up falling in love with her before the first customer showed up. I fall in love with every girl I meet, though, so at first I didn’t think that much of it. She ended up having a boyfriend and I ended up hanging around her every day anyway, we would talk and flirt and act ridiculous together, but somewhere between second guesses and unrelentless shyness I never said anything to her.

She eventually broke up with her boyfriend, about two weeks after I had gotten another girl pregnant. I married that one, and we got divorced before our second anniversary. So the other girl eventually showed up out of nowhere, with stories about sleeping in tents in Europe and still looking immaculate and staring at me like she had all of that time ago and I remembered just how very wonderful it all felt.

We talked everyday for about three months, but only saw each other twice, as our states began and ended with different syllables. She had big plans of moving out west to become famous and amazing. I have a kid. She’s supposed to be moving there anyday now, what with it being nearly 2005. I miss her incredibly. I had this idea that I would move to Nevada and convince her to stay with me for awhile until I could figure something out wherever it was she wanted to be. Then I didn’t get the job in Nevada. Then George Bush was re-elected. Then I never heard from her again.

**************

Television is an evil empire, bent on having us believe wonderful stories of love and coincidence and happy endings. Eddie Vedder and Chris Cornell are sitting around telling me about how things will all work out in the end, reminding me of plaid and ripped jeans and the last time I felt like this. It took me about four years to get over that one, just about the time I met this girl.

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Discussion

olivia 3 Jan 2005

You could easily be together. I really believe it. Before the year is over.

Since youre planning on travelling soon, and she likes to travel too, why not organise to go together, or to meet somewhere in-between and have a new adventure together. Nothing is more bonding than a bit of adventure… memories only the two of you share.

You have nothing to lose. Dont waste time. Make a plan, or spend the rest of your life regretting it.

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olivia 3 Feb 2005

A wise man once said,
“cause life comes hard and life comes quick
and youth is the better part of it

so take your dreams and take your time
life is long but youth is fleeting all the while”

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ClickNathan 4 Feb 2005

i can and only must agree.

i made plans, but they fell through. i have a new outlook now. life is short and the only part better than right now is what’s left in the past, but i’m worried that i get so wrapped up in living while i’m young that i’m throwing my future away…not retirement future, i just mean the big bad who i am and who i want to be future.

like, i don’t have to be something now just because I’m afraid of what I’ll be later, cause lets face it, I’ll still probably be better than average then, too.*

* i’m conceited, I know, but trust me, in a strictly positive way

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olivia 6 Feb 2005

Wow, I didn’t think you’d see that comment since so much time had passed. It was secret…

I’m surprised you feel you are better than average, not because it’s conceited, but simply because you don’t share enough in common with ‘average’ to be compared to it in the first place. Some words to better describe you: wonder full, vivid, intense, flush, suede, ocean, lemon pepper.

Average. I’m allergic to average. If you had any average in you I’d have had an allergic reaction by now.

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ClickNathan 7 Feb 2005

you’re too sweet…okay, it’s official – you’re on my new friends list.

I’ve got to be careful about this list, it’s ending up with too many people from too too far away.

Oh but, actually, I never thought that you’d see the reply…for the same reasons…

Unless I emailed it to you as well…I was doing that for awhile.

I think that comments should be automatically notified for not just blog owners but others who’ve posted as well….I could probably build that in but who has the time to cross over from designer to uber-developer geek? Actually, I probably do.

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olivia 7 Feb 2005

Aah so you came across my secret comment by chance. That means you’ll probably never find the secret comments I hid in here last night… and so they will remain secret forever.

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ClickNathan 7 Feb 2005

Now look what you’ve done…I had to search the whole pile.

Just kidding…all comments posted on my blog automatically send me an email notification.

I just was thinking it’d be cool if when I replied back, you would get one. That way I’d know if it was pointless to reply back or not…but clearly you’re a returner, so it works either way.

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olivia 7 Feb 2005

I’m not sure I like that, for 2 reasons:

1. It spoils my fun
2. Had I known you’d get bugged all day long with emails every time I post a silly comment, I probably wouldn’t have posted half of them. Your inbox must be bursting!

Anyhoo, don’t you think it’s a bit strange how you only got 1 comment on the post during that week, and now months later when nobody visits the page anymore you have 8 already? I find it inside-out.

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ClickNathan 7 Feb 2005

Believe me, I love to get comments…I work hard and long and definitely much more than 1/3rd of my life…so when I have a moment or ten throughout the day to relax and hear the musings of the intelligent – well, I’m all for it.

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ClickNathan 7 Feb 2005

oh…and I figured it was going to slightly bum you out that I hadn’t just accidentally perused over some ancient old comment…so at first I thought, “let her have her fun imagining that’s the way it was” but I do have this strange new thing where I’d like to be honest so I couldn’t really see any way around it…

so did you write your whole post thing yourself? your blog program that is…i just assumed you used Blogger but hosted it yourself and hacked the code up a bit.

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olivia 7 Feb 2005

I do use Blogger, not sure why you thought otherwise. However I wrote my own comments thingy before blogger had one. Its pretty cool, with its own admin system thingy to change the look and feel etc. I only did it to cut my teeth on ASP.

But these days Im focussing more on PHP and the new blog will be using WordPress. That runs on your own server running PHP, so I’m not at the mercy of Blogger’s overloaded servers. Plus it has all the functionality and more of MovableType and people are constantly writing new plugins for it. You can import all your old Blogger posts and comments into the database, and you can get it up and running within 5 minutes. The time-consuming part is choosing your preferences and adding your own stylesheet.

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ClickNathan 7 Feb 2005

yeah, I had always assumed you were using blogger, from having a profile and all, but then in the last few comments on this here page I started to think otherwise…

I have yet to really figure out any web-development stuff…I don’t really even know how to work basic forms…something I really should learn about, but I’m just not as interested in programming as I am design. Inevitable, I suppose, if I aim to stay on par with those of you who know both sides. after the novel, maybe…

now I’m interested in this WordPress thing, because it’s new and unknown if for no other reason.

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