My Last Will and Testament
I’ve been thinking that, as the soul natural parent to my son, I should probably write a will. You know, in case my ninja skills ever fail me and I’m forced to dual a meteor shower bare handed. I’d probably emerge victorious and all, but just in case.
I’m not sure what I’d write in a will. I typically have very few “things” and even less cash. What things I do have are small and only valuable for sentimental reasons. If you take my sentiments out of the equation I can’t imagine they’d be good for much else.
But one thing that is important to me is what’s done with my body after I’m dead. So, for the purpose of writing this blog post, here goes:
- In order to give my eulogy you must meet one of two requirements: ((note that these requirements, and my beliefs, pretty much negate the possibility of any preacher or priest being involved))
- You are related to me.
- You have gotten sloppy drunk with me, preferably around a fire, well into the the next morning’s sunrise.
- When it comes time to dispose of the body, I prefer the following ways (in order of importance): ((If I must be buried in a casket due to laws, lack of funding for the other means, or maybe just lack of friends or family, I wish to have the shoddiest, most-likely-to-deteriorate casket available))
- To be buried directly in the ground, sans casket. That way, I can go back into the earth and become nutrients and eventually food for the plants and insects that live near my grave. I think it is a mortal sin to be buried in a way that prevents me from decaying and becoming part of the natural cycle of life. Please don’t damn me to your hell.
- Cremation. Burn me to ashes and then scatter them across this great nation of America. Take whatever amount of money from what I’ve left behind and organize a roadtrip. Anyone can go on it, friends, family, whoever feels like it, but scatter me in really amazing places. Ooh, maybe I’ll go one step further and make a map.
- Viking funeral. If none of the above work out, I wish to be put in a boat, have the whole thing lit on fire, and pushed down a river. This is probably illegal but hey, if you can’t do the above, then this is your option. Please send my Knife of Emblazon with me. The Wolfman will know why.
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